The things that annoy me today
(annoy isn't strong enough, but the string of expletives I would like to use in front of it will get me in too much trouble)
One: My propensity to sin, stuff up, do stuff I shouldn't do etc.
Two: That I need faith to follow God... I wish I could get rid of my strong doubts, questions, my unbelief, and it would be awesome to grow a mustard seed of faith someday.

Tangent: I'm off to speak at an Easter camp in a couple of days (8 Main Sessions gulp), and I was thinking last night about how sweet it would be if God turned up in all His glory, and just stood in the room (having watered down his glory enough so that we didn't all get fried). Then all my doubts and questions would be thrown away, and then I would be able to say "see kids, I told you he was freaken awesome". Imagine the altar call after that one! Instead, inevitably there will be young people where where God becomes very real for them, there will be young people who go along with a crowd and have an emotional time, and there will be a group that think it is a load of rubbish and try and spade the ladies (or vice verca).

The things I'm stoked about today
One: Grace; more and more I am amazed at how much I didn't understand the reality of grace growing up as a teenager. It is a scandal that I am just coming to terms with, and why I will continue to passionately follow the person of Jesus.
Two: Hope; not only that there will be a day when I see God in all his glory (and the sweetest right hand reef break you could ever imagine), but that I get to charge around on earth and do my best to be a person who ushers in this new Kingdom, and that God likes using me in spite of (and maybe because of) number two above.

And for those wondering if I got up to mischief in the weekend which brought on this post... sorry to disappoint, I hung out with my dad all weekend on a surf trip up north. And the thought of me getting up to mischief?!?! Never... ; )

Labels: personal, rant

Christchurch has being fun, remind me to tell you the yarn about the surf and the dolphins sometime. And I left my freaken phone at the airport... the equivalent to leaving my brain there. Smart. And I picked up the flu. So yeah, great times.

So humility huh? Well interestingly there is actually a wikipedia article on the subject!
There are some amazing scriptures dealing on the subject of humility. Jesus said clearly that he was a a humble person (Mathew 11), he said statements like "everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted". Philippians 2 is one of the most beautiful scriptures on this subject;


Humility must be right up there in qualities to nurtured and desired as a leader, as a person, especially if we profess to follow Jesus, and therefore imitate Him in this aspect.

But here is my theory specifically here in NZ; I wonder whether introverts have often being seen as humble people – perhaps because they are quieter people. Extroverts are not normally seen as being humble – I suspect because they normally think out loud, especially if they have a “big personality” to boot. Surely humility is far more than how loud we are, how we are wired?

Now – to be honest I sit in the second category, I am an extrovert, I think out loud most of the time, I’ve being labelled by others as having a “big personality” and its probably an accurate description. As part of this wiring, I have been called proud and assumed to be arrogant by people in my life, some of them pretty important voices to me. And sadly there is a lot of truth in these statements, and so for many years now I have being reflecting on what it looks like to “walk humbly before God”.

I was talking to this guy called Bruce Collins about humility and he said; "Sam, don't worry about humility, if you get proud, God will humble you". And actually, I think to a degree he is right . My history is filled with moments that I am extremely grateful for, that have shaped my character and brought a change in attitude and heart. But they have being hard times, it has hurt to be humbled.
The tragedy in my story is that I started getting resentful about how I am wired. I became gutted that I was an extrovert, I wished I was not in the middle of the ruckus all the time. I started to feel uncomfortable about the speaking engagements that I had, and over analysing my motives for so much of what I do.

Now that is not bad stuff, but in the same breath, "the glory of God is Sam fully alive" to paraphrase Irenaus. How do I walk in freedom with the personality and gifts that God has given me while walking humbly? So how do I serve the world around me wired like this? So what the heck is humility?

Im no scholar, but I reckon that humility is a heart attitude which manifests itself in how we act and how we relate to people around us. Again Philippians 2 nails it when Paul says; "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves". Amazing piece of advice and something that has being rattling round in my brain for a while now. I would contend that this is partly outworked in our ability to listen to others (instead of waiting for our turn to speak). You can tell when someone is genuinely listening to you, and it is a beautiful thing (It turns out Steve Taylor ticks this box like few people I have met, a very very good listener). Mike Pilavachi challenged me on some of this stuff, and said "start acting humbly, the heart will then follow".

I think Micah 6 nails it; "What does the Lord require of us? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God".

I believe that there is something that happens when we spend time with the poor. Whether that is the socially poor, the lonely kid at school, the smelly weird guy, or the literal poor in the third world or in our cities. We are changed when we are with the poor, perhaps that is why Jesus said in Mathew 25 that we meet him in these places. Perhaps that is why those who spend there lives serving the poor in NZ and around the world are often such very humble people.

At the end of the day, its an awesome thing to spend time with someone in which there is a genuine humility which may be why I have being thinking about it so much in recent times. Ive met humble people all around the place, sometimes they are powerful people in the Christian scene, most of the time they are your wonderfully ordinary servant hearted person who loves others and loves God. One of my personal heroes is my grandfather, who has never had a "speaking ministry", never pastored a church, or released a worship album, but has had an impact on more people than you could imagine. I could tell you story after story of people challenged by my grandfather. I want to be more like him in many ways, its very hard to define, but humility just oozes out of him.

Labels: humility, personal, rant

I want to be quite careful about how I say this, especially after reading this from Scott McKnight the living legend, and this from Scottie - a legend because his bowels are so nasty his odour can clear a room of hardened men. It burns the back of the throat and makes the eyes water.

Now, it is a bit frustrating because I would love to have a good story about how I grew up. But I have had a pretty good Christian up-bringing, and have done all the things a good Christian kid should do. The camps, leading worship at church, degree from Bible College, tours with bands etc etc etc. And yet I have had a major (underline freaken MAJOR) re-adjustment about how it looks to follow the person of Jesus, and what it looks like to be living a life for Him which cemented itself about four years ago.

Ask me when I was 17 about the poster (found in a Christian mag with a huge circulation here in NZ, in the Soul Survivor UK festival booklet etc) below and I would have said, "yep that looks right, I hope one day i can have a life of significance like that guy".
Now I think that it is absolute rubbish.... this is NOT significance, and in no way is the destination I believe Jesus had in mind for us as I see it in the Gospels.

Labels: doubt, emerging church, honesty, jesus followers, personal, rant

Saturday Night saw my mate Darryl give yet another brilliant yarn to the folks at Blueprint Church. I'm gonna give you his first point (with some sam harvey embellishments) mainly because the second point was really good but I cant remeber it that well, didnt really take any notes on it. Something about changing the way we view ourselves or something fluffy along those lines.

Anyway after thinking about it, what was so good about the talk was that it wasn't a "lets get sorted so God can maybe use us" talk, it wasn't a "You are going to change the world" talk, it was a couple of practical things that we should be doing if we profess to follow Jesus. Its so refreshing to hear stuff that we should and can easily do.

Point one: We should all be involved in helping the poor on three levels.

• Sponsor a child. All of us should be doing this even though we are distant from the person and they are often just a picture on the fridge.
  
• Connect ourselves (via a trip to a 2/3rds world country) so that these people suffering move from pictures to a reality in our life. That we would know someone who is living in poverty overseas. I know this is a strong view, but my perspective is that every single person who follows Jesus should go as least once in their life to spend time with the poor. I spent three years in South America as my parents served as missionaries and it has so profoundly changed my world-view it cannot be overstated. We spend huge amounts of money on study, cars, rent, christian confrences. We will be more transformed than all of this stuff combined, and we can all afford it if push came to shove.
  
• Connect in NZ to the poor. Darryl mentioned some of the needs here in NZ that we should all be a part of (as he ranted about here)
  

As he was talking I wrote down the words "we actually act least like a Christian in church".

Following Jesus looks like hanging out with the un-popular kid at school. Following Jesus looks like giving our time and money to those that struggle physically, emotionally etc. Following Jesus is looking at creative ways of blessing people with no strings attached (click here for a great yarn along those lines). Following Jesus looks like the struggle in the secret place not to sin. Following Jesus is hurting and being confused by circumstances and situations that are not right in the world. Following Jesus is being angry about injustice, and giving yourself to make a difference even if it feels small. Following Jesus is sharing life with those that are on the fringes and looked down upon in our culture, with those that are hurting (which is why my friend Stu's latest post blows me away).
Following Jesus is plodding along doing normal life in an abnormal way. You can continue the list yourself this definitely isnt the extensive list : )

All of a sudden it seems that our church gathering (while freaken awesome times and really important) is not just what it looks like to be a Christian.

But where does most of our energy go? If "the medium is the message" then what are communicating?
I for one have had a really huge adjustment about what it looks like to follow Jesus in the last 6 years, and yet have grown up in a healthy Christian family, with part of that time overseas living amongst the poor, being to all the camps and events one goes to, studied at Bible College for three years. And with all this Christian input I still had a really imbalanced idea about what it looked like to follow Jesus.

To be continued...

Labels: darryl, emerging church, jesus followers, justice, personal, rant

Like many of us I suspect, I am prone to a bit of discouragement from time to time. The needs of the world around us, the hurt that friends are experiencing, the "constructive criticism" from mates that doesn't feel very constructive, the hurt in my own life starts to build up sometimes to silly levels. I was reminded again today that there are more people in slavery than at any other time in history... I dont know about you, but it feels like there is just so much to do, and that the efforts of those giving themselves to trying to make a difference are drowned in the apathy and selfishness of the world in which we live, not to mention the battle with my own selfish living, my self centerdness etc etc.

And yet we are called to be faithful, in some ways to plod along trying to do our bit. And in truth we see these little glimpses of God's Kingdom here on earth, with little initiatives around the place, and the right conversations beginning to happen. And so here are a few encouraging places that I found positive in the last week...

Debs, one of my hero's (who I have yet to have a decent yarn with, but is someone I respect off the charts) with this great initiative from some of the blueprint ladies. I would encourage you to give to this as generously as you can.

Stu with a great post that deeply moved me, and I think nails it completely. In particular the statement hit home;

My mate Will has just starting teaching barrista skills to unemployed kids, which is taking off. I am hugely proud of him.

Im stoked about the work of Amnesty International, the foodbanks in many churches including my own, the work of youth workers, social workers, people everywhere who make decisions every week to do something for those hurting, on the fringes, who spend time and money trying to make a difference even when it costs, even when it hurts.

Here are some pics and a letter that were in the local media that were of huge encouragement to me from the Soul Survivor festival. You gotta read the letter! This afternoon of serving the local community was organised by Rebbecca of SSNZ and the local fielding churches.



Some great photos from the festival can be found here if you were not there.

And another article about the event can be found here...

Be great to see these sorts of stories of people trying to make a diffrence amplified, so that more and more people give themselves to serving others... if you have any more yarns that are lurking around then I would love to know.

Labels: friends, justice, personal

First up, congrats to my mate Dan on his new baby boy; Bede. This photo is of the new arrival with my gorgeous god-daughter Hannah.


Secondly, some love thrown Gareth's way, after a very nice post he wrote. To beat his wife in the first of the series of "people he likes" may well have earned him some time in the dog kennel, but means a lot! If I may return the kiss to the nether regions; Gareth is a real legend of a guy who has chosen to work in the offices of the church, which means he can run his business there, but also that he gets called on for all sorts of IT support, and subtly (or not so as the case may be) influences the flavour of all that happens in the office and church. If only we had more business people thinking about doing the same thing, the support and resource that people could offer be simply being around would be incredible. And I love the new series. In a country that loves tearing people down (and my gosh have I being on the receiving end of that in my 25 years) it is awesome to see this new series of posts on his blog build people up.

Anyway, down to business; how do we have recharging, refreshing days off?

The thing that munts you up in ministry is that you actually do very little physical work, you spend your days engaging with people in which you want to give your full attention, there is the stress of sermons to write, youth programs to nail down, more pastoral coffees with kids just getting munted in their lives (so many you have to say no to some of them which kills you), staff meetings, camps to plan, brochures to write, parents to communicate to, emails to countless people in networks to keep the wheels turning, newsletters, reports, worship planning and practises, a meeting for nearly every event that happens, strategy retreats and days, youth leadership training and on top of this, most actual youth ministry happens in the evenings after these long days. Its very easy wind up just cranking it a little too much. Add to this the necessity to be spiritually developing, and trying to connect with Jesus in a meaningful way as often as you can. And then that the ol enemy isn't entirely happy with your little efforts to build the kingdom and you have quite the recipe for some weirdness.

My experience is that I would come home just exhausted, my brain fried from a day of intensity, and all I would want to do is jump in my cave, turn on the TV, and zone out before jumping into bed. But the problem is that because you have done jack tweety all day physically, your body is not tired even though your brain is full of stuff, and so you normally lie in bed wanting to sleep but not being able to because you have all this stuff running around in your head and wake up nailed...
So when it came to days off, the temptation would be to catch up on some emails and write some talks, or to blob and watch some dvds, again just a lame way to try and recharge before another week, and even then I had to fight a sense of guilt for not doing too much (especially as my pay check came from people that donated to the church).

A revelation came early last year when I worked as a builders labourer for about four months. From full time ministry to the building site full of rough chippies and sub-contractors and conversations about cars and rugby and killing animals....
I would wake up, work my lil guts out for 8.5 hours, come home physically shattered, eat a big feed and then crash out exhausted, sleeping like a baby. It was the most refreshing four months I could hope for and it scared my how much my lifestyle before that was really pretty unhealthy. Doesn't sound like a sabbatical, but it certainly felt like one.

And so as I continue a slightly different line of full time ministry type stuff (what a dumb way to express it, aren't we all?) I'm trying to make the most of my days off to recharge and refresh rather than just blob. And I am trying to stay physically healthy on my days charging around the place. I'm trying to soak up life and stop to reflect, to not feel guilty about doing little that is productive.
What does this look like? Well it used to be a long walk on the beach, but its now morphed into a run as often as I can (which will be hilarious for anyone reading this who actually knows me... that will not compute at all!). Of course, the ultimate chill out refresh activity is going for a surf, and as we are now living at the beach the wave count has seriously increased. We have biffed out the TV, and it is all very old school with lots of reading books (very CS Lewis of me, I know), and im trying to not feel guilty about the day off even though I now live off support not my church salary. I was fascinated to read Stu's post on his retreat day a while back... again some interesting thoughts, and with the amount of church workers wigging out at "burning out" it is probably a good conversation to crank out.
The truth is that I still suck at unwinding, and that its taken me this long to begin to get a handle on this. It certainly wasn't something taught at bible college!

Labels: friends, personal

Well the youth zone at summer wine was a lot of fun, there were an awesome bunch of young people there, particularly a crew from the Chinese Anglican Mission which had to be the rowdiest of the bunch. It was nice to have no "superstar" speakers or worship leaders, and have an awesome to hanging in with God. Very cool.
I was pretty nailed at the end of the camp, two camps on the trot exposed the reality that the days are over where I could happily live in a tent and charge around for weeks on end with no apparent change in energy.
I was looking forward to a couple of chill out days, however these have being robbed from me by a right pain in the stomach. Went to the doc this arvo and it is possibly appendicitis, but its not at a stage where they are 100% so I have to wait around for another 24 hours to see if it gets worse or whether my body does a kung foo hit on it and sorts it out. I reckon I have a jackie chan style immune system so hoping that I don't have to have the ol brave heart, rip out your guts operation.

Labels: camp, personal

With great relief we are entering the final stages of movember, and to be very honest I cant wait for the flippin month to end. I am thinking about going for a walk to a playground, and just sitting there enjoying the fact that the little children are not running away - screaming. I hope you appreciate that white trash nature of my photo; wife beater, aviator glasses, and the dirty dirty slug.
A huge shout out to Adam, Rob M, Rob Mc, Scott, Sam B, Dan, Chris, Matt P, Chez, Nathan C, Pete, Clay, and the many other mo-bros that have gone through this very dark month. If you want to have a look at the journey... update one. update two. update three. update four.

In other news...
It's business time, back from my much needed break and into a very full season as we start heading towards the very first Soul Survivor festival in January. I am curious to know how people get back on the horse spiritually, because I need to do that at the moment. It may be the mo effecting me in more ways than one, but I am in a bit of a weird space where I feel quite disconnected from God.

The problem is that life doesn't stop to let me have a bit of space to get back on the horse; I am up in Gisbourne this Saturday for a youth alpha training day, then speaking at the Rock church on Sunday night, and have a pretty full plate with different speaking things and churchy stuff etc till (gulp) May next year.
I feel like I have very little to offer at the moment, and the temptation is to just bluff it. And on top of this, I really don't want the motivation to get back on the horse to be because of what I have to do for God. I want it (and I think it is) because I want to be with God.
I really don't want to feel like a hypocrite, I despise playing the Christian game, I loathe saying one thing and living another, I desperately want to live with integrity. I need Grace yet again.

Grace; that amazing concept, that reality, that truth, that injustice. Grace which needs to be something alive in my heart right now, rather than just another head concept.

Micah 7:8 Do not gloat over me my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise. Though I sit in darkness, the Lord will be my light.

Songs of Songs 8:5 Who is this coming up from the wilderness, leaning on their beloved?

Labels: movemeber, personal, soul survivor

A couple of updates:

Firstly, my blog has gone from a lada, to a formula one race car thanks to the talents of Chris Darnell. Sweeeeet.

Secondly, Naomi will be happy to know that we now have rabbit skins. We took out the golf cart last night, and went hunting, shooting three rabbits.... with flippin air rifles. Awesome times, we were having so much fun that before you knew it, it was four in the morning.

Thirdly, I took the holiday hat off, and put on the Soul Survivor hat today, enjoying some great chats with Rich from St Pauls, a top bloke who totally understands the Soul Survivor DNA inside out, it felt like talking to an old mate. Then with Andrew Robinson from Tear Fund. I have high hopes that SS and Tear Fund will form an ongoing friendship, Andrew is a top bloke.

And lastly I met with Mark Strom the principal of BCNZ, and a bit of a hero of mine. He made a statement the middle of last year at a Hui I was at that has profoundly shifted my relationship with Jesus... "From guilt and fear to grace and freedom". Will have to post at a later time about how this has changed me.
It was very cool chatting to the guy, but I got to the end of our time and realized that I had done a classic Harvey. Basically I harped on talking about Soul Survivor etc, but when hanging with a guy like Mark Strom, as well as a general rule of thumb, I need to learn to ask more questions, and to work a lot harder on my listening skills. The dude has a lot of wisdom buzzing around in that head of his, and on the drive home I reflected that I really could have learnt a whole lot more. I am a wee bit gutted about my poor form on that conversation to be honest. What a legend guy though.

And lastly, Im super amped about going to a gig by a little known band called U2 tomorrow night... its like a dozen christmas's combined. I hope I can sleep tonight.

Labels: personal, soul survivor, U2

Latest article I have written for Soul Purpose ezine is here. Hopefully it speaks for itself, but im becoming increasingly aware of this rumbling in my heart for something far more "Jesus centered" than "christian culture centered" in my life, and in my communities. In conversations with many people it seems that I am not alone in feeling this growing anger, tension, frustration about what is... and what could and should be. What excites me is that this holy frustration is bubbling over into action, into life choices, into churches and communities looking outward rather than inward. Every week I encounter someone who is living out some very practical initiatives to help those on the fringes in our world.

This is why I love spending time with Darryl, because for all his shallowness and anger, he is hurting and burning for the poor, he loathes injustice. This is why I am listening to Tony Campolo every freakin day at the moment, because he is angry and frustrated about the Church's response to the needs of the poor, and he is frustrated at his governments social and fiscal policies. This is why I love the work of Urban Vision and UNOH. This is why I think Soul Survivor rocks and I hope will provoke a lot of discussion and action about the call for followers of Jesus to be active in pursuing justice, and looking to the needs of the poor both locally and around the world.


Guys like Darryl, Campolo, Ash Barker light fires. These people are modern day prophets reminding us that for the most part, we have forgotten the poor. These people spark the conversations and draw attention to the uncomfortable way that Jesus related to people, to the way that Jesus spoke, acted, the things that made Jesus angry, and passionate , the places and people where Jesus put his time.

The reality is that I cannot stand before God and plead ignorance to the cause of the poor, thanks in part to the guys I have mentioned. And I am acutely aware that my theory craps all over my practice. I am yet again very uncomfortable with what it means to truly follow Jesus...

Here endeth rant

Labels: jesus followers, justice, personal, rant, soul purpose

I am disturbed.

I met a God who comforts the disturbed. I was disturbed and He comforted me. He whispered to my spirit, whispered sweet somethings in my ear. He loved me. I became comfortable. It felt nice. It felt warm, cozy even.

And then I met a God who disturbs the comfortable. I was comfortable and He disturbed me. Disturbed me to the very core of my being. Not for a moment or an hour....but a deep and sustained uncomfortable disturbance. He disturbed my soul. He reached in and started playing around with things. Re-ordering things. Lighting fires. Maybe even taking up residence.

That wee poemy type thing is by Rebecca Gilling, and pretty much nails how I'm feeling at the moment. Ive being in that space where God has made me very aware and uncomfortable about some of the crud in my life... and it is one of those very cool but painful processes of growing and in some small way dying to self and becoming more alive and more whole in the process. But part of me likes my baggage, and wants to hold onto it... And I dont like this vulnerable weird feeling of being in the middle of some rather deep shifts in my life, and I certainly dont like being aware of my pride, my arrogance, the "self" that is all of a sudden so clear for me to see.

In the midst of all of this, I have being reflecting on the fruit of the Spirit; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Now when I look at that list I almost want to laugh, because I feel like I really dont have much fruit, to be honest Im a bit of a scrawny tree that maybe has a one of two mangy, half eaten, worm filled apples. Yum.
But it feels like God has begun a wee bit of pruning so that maybe in time I can be a bit more fruitful in character...


My understanding about some of these words, especially peace, gentelness and kindness are really feminite, boring, introvert, a bit "ned flanders". And so I have being reflecting on what they really mean, and asking some questions around these particular fruits.

What does it look like for a kiwi bloke to have that sort of fruit in their life, when I am a natural extravert, have a deep frustration and agitation by a lot of Christian culture, and desire to reclaim something of the "edge" that I believe is part and parcel of being a follower of Jesus? What did it look like in the way that Jesus reflected this stuff? Darryl asked a further question of me today; How much of our understanding of these words is reflected through our cultural understanding, our worldview, and is not what Paul was really trying to communicate in that particular context, or what God is calling us to be? How much of it is? And what do they look like for a wild, edgy, fire in their eyes, follower of Jesus to be displaying this fruit?

At the end of the day this isnt actually keeping me awake at night, because I figure if I keep on charging around with Jesus, and allowing him to continue to lead me into uncomfortable places then I'm hopefully going to wind up a bit more like the guy; fruity and all...

Labels: jesus followers, personal