And so the re-adjustment in my worldview hits as I start doing youth-work, and it looks nothing like the picture. Its hard work, often boring, demanding, it doesn't feel "significant" like that stupid poster. As I start seeing with fresh eyes the needs in the kids around me, and the poverty in the world and as I start sharing life with people who are incredibly broken and messed up, as I start becoming aware of how much junk I actually have in spite of my nice upbringing something starts happening. I somehow wind up more transformed than the people I'm doing it for...

Without getting overly critical at some groups, I think we need to encourage and foster way more honesty in the pursuit of Jesus. I didn't feel like I could be honest as a kid at camps when I didn't feel super spiritual but everyone around me looked like they were (so sadly i faked it!!). I struggled when my rock-star dreams came crashing around me because I thought that it was significance and that in certain bands I was actually "somebody". I have discovered the hard way that speaking in front of groups is pretty empty. That my identity is not wrapped up in this stuff, and that it doesn't make me a better christian.

But the problem is that I'm still seeing young people get drawn in to a whole lot of empty Christian fluff. Our principle outward energy seems to be big meetings and crusade-like events. I'm still seeing huge amounts of young people (when we have the honest chats) dreaming about being a worship leader, speaker or in a band... basically that they will be significant following Jesus when they get to the front, when they are on stage. I could tell you story after story of young people I have sat down with who feel like utter failures because they don't feel "significant" like the conferences model "significance" to look like.

I would argue that we are dreaming the wrong dreams, and actually modelling a whole lot of stuff that looks very different to what we see in the person of Jesus. My experience is that the buzz of serving and living for others day by day does not even come close to the buzz of the high at camp or at the meeting. The mystery of "dying to self" which is painful and does not happen without a fight, but mysteriously "coming alive in Christ" couldn't be more true in my experience. But it has required huge amounts of courage to own my doubts, to give God my questions (which have increased not decreased over the years), to own my junk, to feel the freedom to question models that appear to be accepted as the "norm" in the Christian world.

And so am starting to realise that where we put our energy, time, money, how we go about our "normal" week is actually way more important than how we behave in the meeting.

To be very honest I'm angry. Angry that so many young people are missing out on the honest conversations about following Jesus; the conversations around faithfulness, around serving others, especially the poor, about the hard times, and the many moments of failure. I'm angry because I'm having so many conversations with kids disillusioned and munted because they couldn't keep the "happy christian" facade going any longer.

I think this quote by G. K. Chesterton nails it "its not the Christianity has being tried and failed. Its that it has never really being tried" (doesn't the guy just look like the sort that would be fun to have a good beer and a chat with?)

Got to run...