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Blogging has being on the back burner for the last little while because of the work needed to get church of the starting blocks for the year, amongst a backlog of other jobs. Im slowly getting back in top of things, it feels like I have gained some kind of control if life again, which is great. This year I am taking over the day to day running and leadership of my church community, and so the time of transition so far this year has required a lot of energy. Thankfully the number of emails I need to respond to is at a manageable number, things are church are ticking along, and I am getting some decent sleep and aiming to have a regular day off again. Its a horrible to feel like you are drowning under your to do list. And at the end of the day, most of it is not stuff that really count in the long run. The first thing to go in times of stress is perspective – meaning the demands carry an urgency which are probably exagerated.

And so this year I am trying to bring more balance and health to my life, I need to learn some lessons from last year, which was bizzare in some ways getting invited to speak diffrent places and finding myself with increasing responsibilities in my church. One of the key things that needed to change was my daily spiritual disciplines. I was not in a good place at the tail end of last year, largely in part because of my very loose patterns with reading the bible. To be really honest, by the end of the year I felt like a spiritual bulimic. Eating a little only when I needed to (speaking engagement normally), which would fairly quickly get thrown up over whoever had to listen to me next. As a result at the end of the year I had nothing in reserve, was exhausted, disconnected and deeply weary.
Its amazing what some basic spiritual disciplines will do. I feel like I am putting on weight again, having good bible meals everyday, trying to institute it as a habit that will see me through life. I want to be chewing over way more than I am giving out, and be developing that private world with Jesus beyond the demands of church life, speaking engagements and the relationships that count. I want to have time for people, and time for myself to just be. I am more and more aware as I go through life how very weak I am.

Part of the reason I am posting this is that I am tired of leaders trying to appear all sorted all the time. Everyone I meet carries brokenness and weakness, whether they are a leader, speaker, businessman, whether you are from a happy home, or from a difficult past. Its seems so many of us play this stupid game where we put on these masks to impress each other with how much we have things together, we have become experts in hiding the reality of our life. This is rife amongst Christian leaders, particularly speakers. I was chatting to one of my friends the other day, who mentioned this idea that many leaders think that they are a shepard looking after a flock. He pointed out that this is rubbish. There is only one shepard, his name is Jesus. Everyone else is a moronic sheep… but one who knows the shepard. Im happy with that...

Im off to hang with the Soul Survivor leadership team this weekend - to dream some dreams, and chat together about the future of the movement. Its always a blast, and its always an encouragement hanging with the crew.